Four Years On.........

Today it is four years since the day that Christchurch and Cantabrians were changed forever.  It is so hard to believe that it is 1461 days since that horrific day that not one of us will ever forget. In many ways it feels like yesterday......and in others it seems like a lifetime ago. The scars are so deep and Cantabrians are a changed people. It is impossible to go through such tragedy and be untouched by it.

Having said that, I feel like a fraud writing this.  I feel like I don't have the right to comment. You see, I know that I'm one of the lucky ones...the very lucky ones. I didn't lose any whanau or close friends, none of us suffered horrendous injuries that changed the path of our lives and force us to live with daily pain, we didn't lose our home and our house's structural damage has now been fixed. We didn't lose jobs or equity in our home or business.

My heart goes out to all those whose lives have been changed irrevocably....to those who have lost, arohanui.

Today, as in previous years we marked the anniversary by attending the River of Flowers. We bought flowers for Christchurch, red of course, and stood on the banks of the Avon River. As a family we were quiet and still for a minute at 12.51 before a lone piper played Amazing Grace. The tears flowed as I suspect they will for many years to come. Yes, I am one of the lucky ones but the hurt and sorrow I feel for Christchurch and our people remains raw.

I still find it hard to accept that so many in this city are suffering so much after all this time. I still struggle to come to terms with all that we've lost. The shops where my mother took me to buy school shoes and a brownie uniform as a child, the tea rooms where my grandparents took me for lime milkshakes, the Town Hall where I sang in numerous music festivals and attended my first rock concert, the City Mall where we used to sit on Friday nights as fourth formers outside HMV in our kungfu shoes, every single bar and nightclub my friends and I frequented as uni students, the restaurant and movie theatre my husband took me to on our first date, the church where we were married, the hospital where my son was born, the list goes on and on......the special places that mark the passing of my life are gone; only rubble, road cones or bare land remains.

But these are only buildings; though it is sad, I can accept their demise. What is harder to accept is the loss of innocence and the new found realisation that life can be taken from us at any time. I feel such anger at the quakes and I hate that I am now so desperately frightened of Mother Nature's ferocious power. Like many Cantabrians, when we suffer aftershocks it takes me a long, long time to recover. My heart races, my mouth is dry and my mind jumps straight away to mentally locate my children. It is hard not to think back to that horrific day at school and not hear the screams of 250 terrified children or picture their petrified faces. I hate that Christchurch people now live with a fear in their hearts that is so hard to shake.

And yet, today I look forward with hope. I believe strongly that there will be a better future for our city. I love the creativity that is such a part of the new normal in Christchurch. I love that we are more grateful and able to find joy in the little things. I see changes in Christchurch's children and feel proud of them for their resilience and compassion for others. This generation of children will be a force to be reckoned with, of that I am sure.

Today is a tough day; tomorrow will be better.

Out of the Rubble- The Rebuilding of a Community

I'm going to put it out there..........Christchurch teachers are EXHAUSTED.  Really, really exhausted.

Ok, so there's a few Christchurch educators reading this saying,
"Speak for yourself, Bridget! I'm completely and utterly chipper! Teaching is Christchurch is just awesome. I'm full of beans."
But on the whole, most of us are getting by on high doses of iron tablets combined with large and frequent doses of strong coffee.....or something stronger!

It has been an incredible four years in Christchurch. That 4.35am, 7.1 magnitude wake-up call in
 September 2010 and the resulting hideous few years have changed us all irrevocably. The quakes have left such deep and jagged scars on the people of Christchurch that it is sometimes hard to convey that impact in words so I'm not really going to try. You'll have to just take my word for it.....and I know that you wonderful kiwis do. I know that you have supported Christchurch in a way that makes me so proud to be a New Zealander. I still think back to an incredible week we had in Auckland when we escaped Christchurch after the February quake on an Air New Zealand 747 so my husband could work in his firm's Auckland office. We were the lucky ones, able to escape the ongoing aftershocks, the lack of electricity and running water and the overwhelming sorrow that was so thick in our city you could taste it. I know how lucky we were and I'm immensely grateful. I still get a lump in my throat when I think about how my traumatised children were swept up by complete strangers who knew exactly what to say and do to distract them- the kindness of strangers was such a beautiful and moving thing. It helped us to be brave enough to pull ourselves together to return home with the resolve to stay here and help rebuild our precious city from the ground up.

But things were tough, especially in schools. Our students had been through things that no child should have to experience; they were frightened. Just leaving their parents on that first day back at school was something I will never forget. It was TOUGH. Teachers had to be strong, no matter what. We had to ensure that we provided the safest environment we could but it was hard to be positive when we'd lost homes and friends and for many Christchurch teachers, family members. It was hard to keep smiling when you were sharing portaloos in the playground with your students. (By the way, I recommend not being in a portaloo during an aftershock if you can avoid it!)

The girls wanted to hang messages of love on the school fence on our first day at school after the quake. 

We were living in broken homes with wonky floors and cracked windows. Many of my colleagues had their homes demolished or red-zoned and had to find new homes in a saturated and over-priced rental market. We were fighting with EQC and insurers and finding out our land was damaged and labelled TC3 which is earthquake speak for, "You've just lost 50% of the value of your home because who's going to want to buy it now?"

Then came the killer blow for schools- the announcement that the Government was looking to close or merge up to 31 schools in Christchurch. I still remember the overwhelming horror I felt when news of these possible closures broke. Schools had been the backbones of their communities since the quakes. Teachers had provided safe havens in the midst of tragedy and devastation.  Deep down, the Christchurch education community knew that change would have to come at some stage, but after so much tumultuous change in Christchurch in such a short space of time, this was a step too far, too soon for many broken communities.

But as you probably know if you're reading this, we teachers are a dedicated and resilient bunch, aren't we? We box on for the sake of our students; we want the best for them........ and so, Christchurch teachers put their heads down and continued to do their very best in the most trying of circumstances.

But the thing about resilience is its tiring! Exhausting even. And trying to be resilient all on your own is even more exhausting!

Enter the wonder of the PLN- or Personal Learning Network. Some time in that most hideous of years, 2011, I did something that has changed my life as an educator more than I could have imagined; I joined Twitter. My PLN don't know this but at times when teaching has been really hard work, they've inspired me and I know many other Christchurch teachers who feel this way. The power of belonging to a network of educators who support one another is something I can't rave about enough.

Last night was the Christchurch Eduignite; a fantastic night. It was attended by a small but incredibly passionate bunch of educators who are aware of the need for Christchurch teachers to come together to inspire each other and affirm the amazing work that is happening in our schools. Later, over a cheeky shiraz, a new hashtag was born; #chched. We hope that Canterbury teachers will join the conversation, connecting and supporting and affirming and perhaps most importantly, having a much-needed laugh. A huge thank you to Pauline Henderson and Aimee Sibson for being the impetus behind this rebuilding of Christchurch's teacher community.

There is so much incredible stuff going on in the Christchurch education community. To any Christchurch teachers reading this, I think you're awesome! And I hope to get to know you better on #chched. See you there!

Right! Off to take my iron pill.........